Behind Closed Doors: The Secret Thrill I’ve Never Shared
I am a 53 year old woman with a weird fetish that I have never told a single soul about. It’s not necessarily sexual (although it can be) but it does give me a huge thrill and often turns me on a bit. What I like to do is to go into a business, maybe a cafe, or a doctor’s office, or a dentist, and ask to use the toilet. I like to imagine that they’ll assume I just need to quickly pee, and that they’ll suddenly realise when I’ve been in there for too long for that that I actually needed a poo, and it’s this that gives me the kick. I don't actually need one, most of the time, but I just want them to think that I do. I like to stay in there for as long as I possibly can to give the impression that I’ve been caught short by the need for a really desperate poo. The longer the better. I can usually manage about 15 minutes, although sometimes I do freak out a bit and emerge a bit sooner but I'm very rarely in there for less than 10. The record was just over 30 at a beauty salon and half way through that one someone actually came and knocked on the door to make sure I was OK . From the other side of the door - while still sitting on the toilet - I had to apologise that I was taking so long, and that I’d be out as soon as I could but that I had the runs quite badly and would probably still be a while yet and my god actually telling them that - and the fact that I needed another 15 minutes or so after they already thought I'd been in there for too long - gave me such a massive kick. Over the years this has become a rather elaborate game, and there are “rules” to this game that make it better. Positioning of the bathroom relative to people in the business is very important (it's less good if the bathroom is a long way in the back, or out of sight), as is having to ask a receptionist if I can use it and then them seeing me go in and come out again a very long time later - it's not so good if I can access it without having to ask, because the idea is for them to know how long I'm in there. These things both score highly to give the best thrill, but the absolute best combination is a bathroom off the main reception area, preferably immediately opposite or next to the desk, where whoever I’ve asked sees me go in, and realises what I'm doing when it becomes very obvious that I've been in there much longer than would have been expected. It’s even better if the possibility to be overheard comes into play, and in that case I actually have an audio file of sound effects that I play on my phone (which I’ve tested at home with my own bathroom door shut, to make sure it sounds realistic. It does). The thought that they can actually hear repeated bursts of loud plops spaced out over at least 10 minutes, often much longer (if it's an "overhearing" scenario, I like to give it at least 15-20 minutes), gives me such a thrill it actually makes my heart race. I have debated whether the game is better if they think I just need to pee and then realise for themselves after several minutes that I’m actually “pooing” (in quotes, because I’m very rarely actually pooing - I’m just pretending) and I've been stuck in there for ages, or if I’m up front to begin with that I "may be some time", therefore dropping a big hint that I don't just need to pee. So I tried it out by going into a doctor’s office - I thought they may be more sympathetic - and saying that I was sorry, but I really needed to use the toilet because I had a really bad stomach ache, then diving into the loo for a good 15 minutes. The thrill that they knew what I had to do from the outset was huge. The other big thrill was staying in the loo for 15 minutes, coming out, thanking the receptionist, walking out of the door, giving it ten seconds and then running straight back in to do it again straight away, as if I'd thought I'd finished but then realised I hadn’t, or had the runs and needed to go again urgently. Often, the second time, I’ll stay in there a bit longer than normal - maybe 22, 23 minutes instead of 15 - to give the impression that it’s really, really desperate this time. I am always trying to think of new scenarios to add to the game to keep it interesting. I've recently started going into restaurants and asking for a table, but explaining that I really need the loo first, and can I please come and find the server in a few minutes? That works really well, and sometimes I also ask the same server if they would be kind enough to watch my coat/bag etc in the middle of the meal and excuse myself again, making it obvious I've had to go again and giving it a bit longer this time. This is my current favourite. The latest one I really want to do is to be somewhere for an appointment, where I have to excuse myself in the middle of it to go and use the toilet, and not come back for at least ten minutes, so it becomes obvious that I've had to rush off for an urgent poo, and the person I’m having the appointment with has to wait for me while realising what I needed to do. But I can’t think of a scenario in which this would work and not actually cost me money - ie, if I did it in the middle of a massage appointment, I’d lose out on 10 minutes that I’d paid for and maybe that's where I draw the line. I live in a massive city, so I can get away with this by driving to different parts of it where I don’t know a soul and won’t see anyone I know. My biggest fear is that someone I know will catch me coming out but it doesn’t stop me doing it. I have no idea what’s wrong with me. I’m a well-dressed businesswoman in my 50s and you’d never guess in a million years. I would love to answer some questions. I've never had the opportunity, or the nerve, to talk about this.