She Wanted a Friend, He Wanted More (Part 1)
I’d like to share this one. I guess to serve as a lesson to guys who may have the same mindset as the character in the story, and a warning to girls na rin. Back in 2005, I happened to meet someone online whom I have later considered as a good friend. In some ways, he was a source of inspiration and encouragement. He never run out of positive things to say, no matter how complicated and painful the situation is. Tough guy, smart, witty and matured, that’s what I thought. Though he’s younger than me by a year, it was more like he was the big brother. We barely talk about sex. Though I have shared to him a little about the liberated side of me, never did he show any sign of interest in it. Once, he got the chance to visit the city where I was staying then. He asked if he could stay at my place for a night and I gave my approval. Was excited to finally meet and be with him. To my disappointment, we’ve talked for only a couple of minutes then he left. Something came up so he needed to rush back home. Few months later, we bumped each other at an Internet café. He looked great. And I could not help but think how it would be to have a boyfriend like him. But I guess we really are meant to be just friends. I never spotted any sign of him being at least interested in me. What can I do? I am a woman. Making any move would be ridiculous, stupid and shameful. We’ve lost communication since then. Until recently, I saw a familiar nick in **. Later I found out it was really him. We’ve had few chat sessions. I learned he is now based in the Visayas area. It was nice to hear from an old friend. Later I revealed to him that I am not just a reader of **, but a contributor as well, and that all my posts are based on actual accounts. He took some time to read my posts, and left some brief comments. During one of our chat sessions he expressed his disappointment, called himself a loser for missing his chance to be with me before. He said he could have been included in the stories I have posted if he hadn’t rushed back home then. About three or four weeks later, he started to indecently propose indirectly, telling me he just want to make up the chance he missed. I don’t know why suddenly he became interested in me, maybe because he found out what I am capable of doing, or perhaps he envies of the guys in my posts. I do admit that I liked him. But I had to turn him down. Things now aren’t like they were before. I am now married with kids. Though I’m experiencing problems with my marriage, going out with him will not be of help, but might just worsen the situation. It was so tempting to say yes. Of course I too wonder how it would feel to have him even for just a moment. Because of his persistence, it really came to a point when I said yes, but deep inside my heart, I knew I would later revoke my decision. Few days later, he informed me he’ll be coming home in the following month for a very short vacation. It has been 3 long years since he left and he decided to pay his hometown a visit, and he wanted to see me, too. Three weeks before his scheduled vacation, I informed him that I back out, that I would appreciate it better if we just meet casually, like old friends do. Of course he disapproved. He tried and tried to convince me, telling me it’s not all about sex (what the fuck is it then?), it’s doing a favor to a friend, blah blah blah. Stupid explanation. Yet, I found a soft spot in him. I could feel, or probably it was just my illusion, that he was a good friend though. I have shared to him a piece of my trampled life, my pains and sorrows, my frustrations and regrets, during our chat sessions. He was the perfect listener and counselor. I was swayed to the idea that he was indeed a true friend. I was blinded of his true intensions. Was he really for real or was it his way of deceiving me? Guys are usually good in this. They know women’s weakest spot, the emotions, and they take advantage of it. And I remember a PL friend once said ‘the shortest way to a woman’s pussy is her heart’. I’m sure guys would react to this. Ideally, it should not be the case, but reality says otherwise. My experiences are enough proof. You’re lucky if you’re a female and you cannot relate to this statement. Back to my story, I explained to him my conditions. We’ll just meet, dine and talk, nothing more nothing less. Told him that if he insists, I would not meet him. His real intension was pretty obvious, but why would I still meet him? Because I was simply stupid? A little I guess.. Despite of his lewdness, I was hoping he would be a friend to me at least. I wanted to see him, the way I want to see all my other friends whom I haven’t seen for quiet some time. I still have high respects for him, though he showed a little or none at all towards me. I was really looking forward to see again someone I have considered a FRIEND. I was excited to have a personal tale telling session with him. The day arrived. He was a little late. I was beginning to feel irritated, then he came in. My annoyance banished the moment I saw him and heard him call my name. Ohh my, he looked good and smelled yummy. His introduction was an apology for coming in late; mine was a narration of how I managed to sneak out from my hubby and my boss. After the brief introduction and kumustahan, he then asked, “Where do you want us to go?” The question was unexpected. I was thinking we will be taking our lunch there at our meeting place which happened to be a food chain. “Ikaw?” the only word that came out of my mouth. “We’ll just order na lang, take out tayo and we’ll eat there.” I was a little confused then. “There? Asan ba talaga?” Then he mentioned a familiar place, a drive in lodge. “NO!” was all that I could say. I should have left him by then, but I didn’t. Ayoko rin kasing magmukhang bastos. “We’ll just talk lang naman.” He said. “Talk and talk and talk and then what?” I replied. “Rest and relax. Kaw talaga, dumi ng isip mo.” Nagmamalinis pa. “Eh ano bang gusto mong isipin ko? Anything can happen there. Di ba nag usap na tayo about this. “ “Yeah, we did. Mag uusap lang naman tayo eh.” Pangungumbinsi niya. “Basta, ayoko. Pwede naman tayong mag-usap dito diba?” After few seconds of silence, he finally gave up. “Sige, let’s watch movie na lang.” So we proceeded to the nearest mall, sat down for a while at the benches. Akala ko ay nagkaintindihan na kami, but then again, kinulit na naman niya ako. “Sige na please, let’s get out of here. I don’t like the movies.” Medyo nairita na ako sa kakulitan niya, but still I tried to hold my patience. “Sige you choose, we’ll watch movie, or uuwi na lang ako.” Tumahimik siya sandali. “You promised me before, you said yes na.” Sumbat niya sa akin. “Yeah I did, but I revoked my statement. I just could not do it. Masyadong complicated situation ko ngayon. Ayoko ng dagdagan problema ko. Sana maintindihan mo yun.” Paliwanag ko sa kanya. “Hindi naman madadagdagan problema mo eh. I’ll take away your stress. We’ll relax and unwind.” Pangungumbinsi pa rin niya. “For you its not a problem, kasi wala ka pang sabit.” Sagot ko sa kanya. Sandali siyang tumahimik. When he started to talk again, medyo nashock ako sa sinabi niya. “Sige na nga, let’s watch movie na lang, pero ikaw ang taya.” Nabigla ako sa sinabi niya. Pero mas nabigla ako sa sinagot ko. “Sure! Sige, payag ako, ako ang taya, basta dito lang tayo.” I know di ako dapat pumayag sa deal niya. Its unfair, siya ang nagyaya tapos ako ang magbabayad? Umandar na naman katangahan ko. Pero nasabi ko na eh. Akala ko ay okey na deal namin, pero humirit pa rin siya. “Sige na, dun na lang tayo, ako naman ang taya eh.” (Hello? Dapat lang naman talaga ikaw ang taya.) “Ayoko, ayoko, ayoko, period.” Sagot ko uli sa kanya. Nakita kong nakasamingot siya sabay sabi, “Sige na nga, nood na lang tayo ng sine, mukhang ayaw mo talaga.” So ayun, pumila na ako sa may ticket booth. Habang nakapila ako, iniisip ko, bakit ba ako pumayag. Wala naman akong obligasyon sa kanya. Stupida talaga. Pero mas tanga ako kung pumayag ako sa gusto niyang mangyari. I was starting to feel really disappointed. Akala ko I was meeting an old friend. Ngayon di na ako sigurado kung talagang kaibigan ko pa siya. Suddenly I realized, I was meeting a stranger. He’s no longer the guy I once admired and idolized. But I was still hoping na may magbago sa situation. I was hoping I could feel his friendliness and concern. Pagkapasok namin sa loob, he grabbed my wrist and kissed me on the lips. He could kiss really good, but then, di naman yun ang gusto ko sa kanya. Lalo lang akong na disappoint. Napag isip isip ko, talagang di ko siya mapipigilan. Tinanggal ko na lang sa isip ko na ang ka meet ko ay isang kaibigan. I decided na sakyan na lang siya. Anyway, dalawang oras lang naman. I-enjoy ko na lang yung moment, sarap naman niya humalik eh. So habang nasa loob na kami, di ko na pinigilan likot ng kamay niya. Pero malas pa rin niya kasi masyado tight blouse ko, lalo na jeans ko kaya di nya magawang maipasok kamay niya kahit saan man sa mga parteng yun. Hanggang kiss na lang kami. Di pa rin siya nagsawang mangulit. Paulit ulit pa rin siyang nagyayayang mag check in kami, hanggang sa nairita ako. Suddenly, I blurted out, “Jack it off!”, sabay talikod sa kanya. Nahalata niyang nainis ako kaya humingi ng sorry, naglambing at nag promise na di na sya mangungulit. Sa sobrang lambing niya, agad din nawala ang inis ko sa kanya. Akala ko din ay di na talaga siya uli magyayaya.